Saturday morning, my older sister invited me to participate in a Zumba class with her. If you’re not familiar with the term, “Zumba,” it’s a fitness program that combines Latin and international music with dance moves. In this type of class, you move your body in ways that are not part of everyday life. The day after one of these types of workouts, I often hear self-talk like, “I didn’t know I was working out my bum. Who knew that my lower back was getting a workout? Geez, my thighs hurt.” For me, Zumba can be a creative way to exercise your body and forget you’re working out because it’s simple fun.
I used to regularly attend Zumba classes in 2011, but I haven’t dabbled in it since that time. Saturday, I knew I was a little rusty with the dance steps so I glued my eyes to the instructor’s body movements and turned my body into a mirror – manipulating my body to move just like her. After a few songs I realized, “my body just doesn’t move like hers.” I found myself making excuses for not looking like her: Well I just don’t have meat on my bum so I can’t shake the cha-cha like she can…she has more practice than I do, she’s the instructor…and so forth.
A few songs later, and feeling a little more comfortable moving in a “Latin” way, I decided to look myself straight in the mirror as I was doing the steps. I congratulated myself for coming to the class and for doing all of the steps that I could do-today. I acknowledged that I was comfortable making mistakes in class and could still have just as much fun doing them and receive the workout I needed today. I looked closer at the moves I was doing and realized I looked a bit stiff as I was doing them – especially in the torso; my arms and legs were doing all of the moves, but almost “soldier-like,” with no dynamics or flux in emotions. In other words – I was shades of grey with no color or contrast of black and white. “Why?” I wondered. I decided to figuratively look deeper into the symbolism of what my physical actions were telling me. After a few minutes, I realized I was going through the motions, but not the “emotions.” I wasn’t dancing for me; I was dancing to “check the box” or convince myself that “I did it: you exercised.” I thought to myself, “That’s silly.” I continued to dance…the next song that played was a little slower and the motions were easy to convert to memory. I decided to perform an experiment: I’m going to “go all out.” I’m going to make creases and curves in my torso, I’m going to extend my arms as far as they’ll reach. I’m going to move to the way I feel the music, with my own flare. I’m going to move how my body wants to move. The instructor has her flavor and I’m going to enjoy mine.
What happened? I let go. I quit judging if I was doing the movements right or wrong. I released, lived and enjoyed each musical moment and contributed my unique creative energy to the room in the way that I felt them. I opened up to finding myself and losing myself simultaneously. All I had to do is let go of the templates that weren’t serving me well and resonate with the raw woman I am inside, my better and ever-expanding self. The part of me that so desperately desires to expand my unique light.
When the song was over, I was sweating and breathing heavily. I stopped to realize I had a smile on my face. I said to myself, “I enjoy this; I’m happy! Weird.” I had awakened a healthy appetite; I craved to do more. I continued to move in unique ways throughout the class, shaking my “lean-meated bum” in my Natalia way, releasing whatever emotions were trapped there and likewise opened or released trapped emotions in other parts of my body. I enjoyed the remainder of the class movement-to-movement and finished feeling satisfied. I told the instructor at the conclusion, “I really got into it today. I noticed that when I shook my head I said to myself, ‘yep that’s the spot.’”
Saturday afternoon I looked even deeper to the dance experience I had that morning. I asked myself the question, “When did you stop dancing, really dancing for you?” I answered, “When I decided that it wasn’t productive and that my worth comes from getting things done.” “Natalia, you used to do these types of activities because they bring balance to your life, release emotional, physical and spiritual toxins and it’s just plain fun to move like that. It’s part of your nature of lightness, gladness and happiness.”
I then asked, “When did you stop being your true, authentic self?” Answer: “When I allowed others’ opinions and perceptions dictate what an ideal woman should or shouldn’t be.” And what are those false-self perceptions that aren’t serving you well?
A grown-up refined woman is emotionally disciplined when she doesn’t express her emotions in public. Dance is for youth and teenagers. You are only of worth by what and how much you accomplish.
I have released those old perceptions with: A grown-up, refined woman is emotionally disciplined when she is equally open to the input of her emotional mind as well as her logical mind. She is disciplined because she channels each of the emotions healthily and appropriately. Dance is for all ages. You have always been worthy. Dance accomplishes all areas of health and is productive.
Oh wow…when you write it down it really helps you see the perception clearly. No wonder I feel like I’ve been living in a black and white movie for quite some time. I have felt like Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz – the beginning portion of the movie before she visits Oz. I haven’t been living in color and experiencing life fully with my whole self. I’ve felt disconnected from my authentic self. I haven’t been true to the woman I am, the woman I am here to be. I am trying to be the ideal woman that my physical father and husband describe. Interesting…Their perceptions may be right for them, but completely wrong for me. I’ve checked in with the most important role-model that knows me the best (my maker) and He wants me to continue to grow into my perfect authentic self, accepting and loving the woman I am today and be happy for where I’ve been and where I still need to go; enjoying life each dance move to the next. I am right on time for my experience. He is my dance partner, my bridegroom. I’m not sure if Zumba is His dance of choice, but I know He smiles with me when I need a good emotional shake here and there.
When you’re asked, “who are you?” What is your answer? “I’m a mom,” “I’m a lawyer.” “I live in Oregon.” Often the answer is not who you are, but what you do or how you see your function in life. You can’t answer who you are, because maybe you don’t know or remember. The authentic self is the “you” that can be found at your absolute core. It is the part of you not defined by your job or role. It is the composite of all your skills, talents and wisdom. It is all of the things that are uniquely yours and need expression, rather than what you believe you are supposed to be and do. When you’re not living faithfully to your authentic self, you find yourself feeling incomplete, as if there is a hold in your soul. You may have found that it’s easier to fill the roles your family and friends expect of you, rather than becoming who you really want to be. Living this way drains you of the critical life energy you need to pursue the things you truly value. When you live a life that has you ignoring your true gifts and talents while performing assigned or inherited roles instead, you are living as your fictional self. The fictional self sends you false information about who you are and what you should be doing with your life. It blocks the information you need in order to maintain the connection with your authentic identity. Relying on information from the fictional self means you’re putting your trust in a broken compass.
It would be too easy to blame my father or husband for these false-perceptions. I am not a victim to their perceptions. They are merely the vehicle in which I chose to deliver the message to myself. I need to take responsibility. I take full responsibility for the life I’ve created for myself. I hold the reins. I need to trust my inner voice and listen less to the outer voices telling me what I should or shouldn’t be, what I should or shouldn’t do. I no longer try to justify and rationalize my most heartfelt desires. Denying them is denying me.
No one needs to understand why you want what you want. You don’t always have to understand it yourself. Just trust it, and trust yourself to manifest it. The reason you don’t already have what you want is crazy simple. You don’t love yourself enough to deeply believe that you are worthy of all your heart’s desires. You might even believe on a conscious level, that you do deserve or are worthy a certain thing, but I promise you that if you were fully, wholly believing you are worthy of it – even in the cobwebby corners of your unconscious belief system – it would already be in your life. (While considering and respecting the perfect timing and Will of the Master Creator of our Universe)
I dare you to take responsibility. Own every last drop of everything you’ve created. Stop tolerating because tolerating is slow emotional suicide. Release and let go. Step out of the spin cycle; living your life on autopilot creating and/or controlling the same situation for yourself over and over again in unhealthy spirals. Recognize false-perceptions and beliefs, recreate them and create your much-needed paradigm shift. Dream loudly and live passionately.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha
“Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.” -Judy Garland
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
“When you are truly comfortable in your own skin. Not everyone will like you, but you won’t care one bit about it.
Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you.” ~Dr. Suess
You were created in God’s image. God makes no mistakes. To put yourself down for the way you are is to insult God’s handiwork. You are beautiful.
There is only one you and that makes you valuable.
A tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.
Showing posts with label LDS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LDS. Show all posts
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
An Introduction and some musings
This week I have been feeling like I need to write on humility, but what I want to write isn't flowing so I guess I will write about why Pioneer Day became my favorite holiday in 2001 and hopefully what needs to be shared in this post will come forth. But as a bit of forewarning, if you are familiar with Carol Tuttle's Energy Profiling, I am a Type 1 so this post may seem a bit random. :D
Thirteen years ago today I checked my Ricks College/BYU-Idaho student e-mail account after reading the most recent letter from my "missionary" that quite frankly depressed me. So in order to distract myself on Pioneer Day 2001 in a suburb of Seattle all by myself, I saw an e-mail that literally changed my life and my eternity.
A month earlier I had received personal revelation that Heavenly Father wanted me to serve a full-time mission. I KNEW it was what I was supposed to do. I assumed that my "missionary", who had been out for a year at that point, would be supportive of my decision to serve a mission. I had enthusiastically written him the day I received my personal revelation. Because he was serving in Mexico, it took a while for his reply to reach my parents' home in Idaho and then a few more days for it to forward to me in Seattle, where I was working at my summer internship and living with my mom's best friend. When I got home from work that day I got the mail and saw the letter from my missionary. I excitedly opened it and began reading it. My excitement waned as I read something along the lines of, "I think you should wait until I get home so we can make the decision of you serving a mission together." To say I was slightly disappointed is an understatement.
Now that I understand Energy Profiling as taught by Carol Tuttle, I can see that my enthusiastic Type 1 self just wanted my missionary to be excited for me! And that is not what I received. So in my dejected state I decided to login to my newly created BYU-Idaho student e-mail account and go through my BYUI campus e-mails, because no one ever wrote me to my college e-mail account.
Imagine how perplexed I was when I saw an e-mail sitting in my account from someone named "Marc Russell". Who was "Marc"? None of the Marks I knew spelled their name with a "c".
I finally decided to open the e-mail and read the e-mail.
Wow. The words I felt inspired to write into the New Era Question & Answer section back in August 1998 actually DID help someone else! And I feel like I know this Marc even though we've never met. What if he already left for his mission and forgot to send me his mission address? Then I won't be able to tell him I read his e-mail and I understand him.
So I wrote him back that night. A pretty long e-mail.
Here's the kicker..... remember reading that he lived in Oregon? Turns out he is from the Portland area. I was living in the Seattle area. That's like 2 hours away from each other, or driving from Idaho Falls to West Yellowstone. The next day when I received his 2nd e-mail, I discovered that he had been at the Six Flags Water Park in Tacoma the day I finally checked my e-mail and wrote him back. So when he got home that night and saw my e-mail he stayed up and wrote me back. He was leaving for the Provo MTC in exactly a week.
That week flew by and everyday I looked forward to coming home from work and reading his e-mail and writing him back. He was someone who understood me. I didn't have to explain or defend myself. I could just be me. Most importantly, he DID return the favor and helped me that week by validating what personal revelation is, it is direct communication from God to the recipient and as he pointed out in a later e-mail that week when I was bemoaning how unsupportive my "missionary" was about me serving a mission he simply said, "That's the thing that most people don't understand about personal revelation, it is PERSONAL and between you and God. No one else needs to get involved in your personal revelation."
For a girl who had been seeking approval and outside validation from her parents, teachers and three older siblings her entire life - it was very affirming to have someone else validate my personal revelation without having to defend or show evidences or back up my statements. Marc just accepted me as I was.
That first week we realized that we had been best friends in the pre-mortal life. There was no other way to explain the instant spiritual, mental, and emotional connection we had. Throughout this mission Marc would tell his companions and other mission friends that I was his "best friend I haven't met" and they didn't get it. I did though, and I was SO thankful that Heavenly Father did help me connect with my best friend from before so that we could be a support and a strength to each other throughout out missions.
We wrote for just over three years before we met in person on 26 August 2004. The day after we met we attended an endowment session in the Salt Lake Temple and then afterwards went to the sealing office to make an appointment for our sealing on 27 November, exactly three months later. I'm currently expecting our fourth child who will make her arrival mid-September and we will celebrate our ten year anniversary this Thanksgiving. I have been so thankful for the journey I've been on over the past 13 years since I first read the e-mail from Marc. He is exactly the partner I needed and wanted in this life. He validated me as being someone with worthwhile thoughts and opinions during our three years of writing. He loved me and wanted to marry me before we had ever met in person (that's the other part of our story, we both knew half-way through my mission that we were supposed to marry each other after I returned home). He has cherished me everyday since we finally met in person. But most importantly, he allowed me to remain in my broken state those first few years of our marriage when I was so caught up in my own emotional pain, trauma and drama. He never tried to fix me or the situations I kept finding myself in. He allowed me to feel my emotions without shaming me for them. And most importantly, he has been so supportive of me receiving the assistance I needed in this Earth school so that I could do better, reach higher and begin to honor myself for who I really am, a beloved daughter of God. He continues to be supportive of me as I seek to do the Lord's work here on earth.
There is so much yet to be done as we prepare for the Savior's Second Coming. We are only now beginning to scratch the surface of the momentous work before us. As I was telling Maria the other day, "As more good is created in the world, the law of polarity tells us that there is going to be more evil and darkness in the world."
Thirteen years ago today I checked my Ricks College/BYU-Idaho student e-mail account after reading the most recent letter from my "missionary" that quite frankly depressed me. So in order to distract myself on Pioneer Day 2001 in a suburb of Seattle all by myself, I saw an e-mail that literally changed my life and my eternity.
A month earlier I had received personal revelation that Heavenly Father wanted me to serve a full-time mission. I KNEW it was what I was supposed to do. I assumed that my "missionary", who had been out for a year at that point, would be supportive of my decision to serve a mission. I had enthusiastically written him the day I received my personal revelation. Because he was serving in Mexico, it took a while for his reply to reach my parents' home in Idaho and then a few more days for it to forward to me in Seattle, where I was working at my summer internship and living with my mom's best friend. When I got home from work that day I got the mail and saw the letter from my missionary. I excitedly opened it and began reading it. My excitement waned as I read something along the lines of, "I think you should wait until I get home so we can make the decision of you serving a mission together." To say I was slightly disappointed is an understatement.
Now that I understand Energy Profiling as taught by Carol Tuttle, I can see that my enthusiastic Type 1 self just wanted my missionary to be excited for me! And that is not what I received. So in my dejected state I decided to login to my newly created BYU-Idaho student e-mail account and go through my BYUI campus e-mails, because no one ever wrote me to my college e-mail account.
Imagine how perplexed I was when I saw an e-mail sitting in my account from someone named "Marc Russell". Who was "Marc"? None of the Marks I knew spelled their name with a "c".
I finally decided to open the e-mail and read the e-mail.
7/12/2001 Hi! How are you doing? I hope this is the Yvonne Withers that's from Idaho Falls ID. I'm pretty sure that you probably don't know me; but I've heard of you. From a New Era article, and I've been trying to find contact information on you and finally was able to get addresses for the students at Ricks. I myself went to BYU and tried searching there many times; but now I'm off to serve a mission in a few weeks in Salt Lake City Spanish speaking. And I decided that even though you don't know me I might as well start writing and whatever I have to say will eventually come out. But at first I would like to say thank you. By now you're probably thinking that this is sort of strange and kind of like you're famous and you could say I'm your first Fan mail. Well as your fan then I'd like you to know that you've helped me out. It's been a while now.... like 2 years or so, but your words came at the right time. (I doubt you even remember what you said) but it was about 'trials' and you said "We are getting close to the Second Coming, so Satan is working harder than ever to tempt us. But not to worry. Why do you think Heavenly Father waited until now to send us to this earth? He knew we were up to the challenge." Right now I can't remember what was troubling me, but I remember reading all of the 'comments' over and over and the end of yours just caught me at a different angle. It's always been hard for me to remain firm between my 'school friends' who drink and smoke and such, and my LDS friends that I had. But it was almost harder for me to remain strong around my LDS friends than my School friends; because my school friends ended up respecting me for standing up for things, while it seemed that my LDS friends ended up critisizing me instead. I've always noticed huge problems with the LDS youth. And truthfully that's why I never liked Utah and the people I knew that lived there. Because among the school while I had 5% LDS they had over 60% and it seemed like the Utah schools were as bad as mine were or worse because people found it hard to stand 'straighter' while everyone justified what 'could' do. And it seems like me being sent to Salt Lake is a way to allow me to respect the members more and what the 'true' way of life is like there. I'm sure you've never had a letter like this ramble on for so long without even knowing the person. Well don't worry I'll wrap it up. You may not check this email and if that's the case I may send you my mission address right before I leave and if you feel like it you could just respond or whatever. It would at least be nice to know that you've actually received this and know that you've touched my life and I'm glad that I can get the opportunity to thank those that touch my life in some way or another. If there's anything you can think of, that I can do let me know. I love music.... playing the piano, and especially singing, sports, and am on the BYU racquetball team. Oh I live in Oregon by the way, I don't know how to describe myself so I won't, just your usual dude, who loves having a blast, while trying to keep people in 'track', and was called a 'model' for a while but they said I'd have to wait until after my mission. You may not have any idea how weird it is writing to someone to who I've been trying to find and I am now finally am able to tell them thanks. Well let's end with that. Thanks Yvonne, just know today and forever that you've helped out someone else in need, too bad you had to wait 2 years, but I hope it's worth something to you, even now. Sincerely, Marc RussellSitting there dumbfounded that someone would actually write me a "fan mail", this essentially was my thought process after reading that e-mail:
Wow. The words I felt inspired to write into the New Era Question & Answer section back in August 1998 actually DID help someone else! And I feel like I know this Marc even though we've never met. What if he already left for his mission and forgot to send me his mission address? Then I won't be able to tell him I read his e-mail and I understand him.
So I wrote him back that night. A pretty long e-mail.
Here's the kicker..... remember reading that he lived in Oregon? Turns out he is from the Portland area. I was living in the Seattle area. That's like 2 hours away from each other, or driving from Idaho Falls to West Yellowstone. The next day when I received his 2nd e-mail, I discovered that he had been at the Six Flags Water Park in Tacoma the day I finally checked my e-mail and wrote him back. So when he got home that night and saw my e-mail he stayed up and wrote me back. He was leaving for the Provo MTC in exactly a week.
That week flew by and everyday I looked forward to coming home from work and reading his e-mail and writing him back. He was someone who understood me. I didn't have to explain or defend myself. I could just be me. Most importantly, he DID return the favor and helped me that week by validating what personal revelation is, it is direct communication from God to the recipient and as he pointed out in a later e-mail that week when I was bemoaning how unsupportive my "missionary" was about me serving a mission he simply said, "That's the thing that most people don't understand about personal revelation, it is PERSONAL and between you and God. No one else needs to get involved in your personal revelation."
For a girl who had been seeking approval and outside validation from her parents, teachers and three older siblings her entire life - it was very affirming to have someone else validate my personal revelation without having to defend or show evidences or back up my statements. Marc just accepted me as I was.
That first week we realized that we had been best friends in the pre-mortal life. There was no other way to explain the instant spiritual, mental, and emotional connection we had. Throughout this mission Marc would tell his companions and other mission friends that I was his "best friend I haven't met" and they didn't get it. I did though, and I was SO thankful that Heavenly Father did help me connect with my best friend from before so that we could be a support and a strength to each other throughout out missions.
We wrote for just over three years before we met in person on 26 August 2004. The day after we met we attended an endowment session in the Salt Lake Temple and then afterwards went to the sealing office to make an appointment for our sealing on 27 November, exactly three months later. I'm currently expecting our fourth child who will make her arrival mid-September and we will celebrate our ten year anniversary this Thanksgiving. I have been so thankful for the journey I've been on over the past 13 years since I first read the e-mail from Marc. He is exactly the partner I needed and wanted in this life. He validated me as being someone with worthwhile thoughts and opinions during our three years of writing. He loved me and wanted to marry me before we had ever met in person (that's the other part of our story, we both knew half-way through my mission that we were supposed to marry each other after I returned home). He has cherished me everyday since we finally met in person. But most importantly, he allowed me to remain in my broken state those first few years of our marriage when I was so caught up in my own emotional pain, trauma and drama. He never tried to fix me or the situations I kept finding myself in. He allowed me to feel my emotions without shaming me for them. And most importantly, he has been so supportive of me receiving the assistance I needed in this Earth school so that I could do better, reach higher and begin to honor myself for who I really am, a beloved daughter of God. He continues to be supportive of me as I seek to do the Lord's work here on earth.
There is so much yet to be done as we prepare for the Savior's Second Coming. We are only now beginning to scratch the surface of the momentous work before us. As I was telling Maria the other day, "As more good is created in the world, the law of polarity tells us that there is going to be more evil and darkness in the world."
Referring back to the wise words I received from the Spirit 16 years ago as I was penning my answer to the question in the grey Q&A box, Satan IS working harder than ever to tempt us, to depress us and to thwart us from becoming who we are meant to become BECAUSE we are getting closer to the Second Coming. He doesn't want us to succeed. He doesn't want us to remember who we really are. He doesn't want us to remember how powerful we are and so he lulls us away into carnal security. He instills in us a desire to be apathetic about magnifying our callings or fulfilling the promises in our patriarchal blessings. If he can distract us with mediocrity, then we will simply be one of the many called, but we won't be one of the few who are chosen. "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;" (Abraham 3: 25)
At the time when I was first starting my healing journey, my mentor Tony Purcell told me, "I am grateful for the darkest points in my life. If I had continued to live a mediocre life, I never would have hit rock bottom and realized that something had to change." I thought it was weird that he was thankful for the times when he was living in his self-centered world, but as I have gone through the process myself, I see now that his words are true. If it wasn't for the darkness, I wouldn't have ever sought to reach up for help from above. I never would have realized how much Light I was missing from my life. I never would have realized that an ordinary person who hadn't committed serious sins still needed the Atonement in my life on a daily basis. I AM so grateful that Marc allowed me to live in my lower self until I was ready to change. I am grateful for the darkness I have experienced in my life because it was the catalyst for me to humbly seek the Savior's healing power in my own life. A regular person like me who hadn't experienced any major trauma in my life and hadn't committed any serious sins or transgressions still needed the Atonement - and I didn't realize that until I realized how broken and sinful I really was. Yes, I am grateful for the darkness I went through, for as Mother Eve said, "Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient." (Moses 5:11)
At the time when I was first starting my healing journey, my mentor Tony Purcell told me, "I am grateful for the darkest points in my life. If I had continued to live a mediocre life, I never would have hit rock bottom and realized that something had to change." I thought it was weird that he was thankful for the times when he was living in his self-centered world, but as I have gone through the process myself, I see now that his words are true. If it wasn't for the darkness, I wouldn't have ever sought to reach up for help from above. I never would have realized how much Light I was missing from my life. I never would have realized that an ordinary person who hadn't committed serious sins still needed the Atonement in my life on a daily basis. I AM so grateful that Marc allowed me to live in my lower self until I was ready to change. I am grateful for the darkness I have experienced in my life because it was the catalyst for me to humbly seek the Savior's healing power in my own life. A regular person like me who hadn't experienced any major trauma in my life and hadn't committed any serious sins or transgressions still needed the Atonement - and I didn't realize that until I realized how broken and sinful I really was. Yes, I am grateful for the darkness I went through, for as Mother Eve said, "Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient." (Moses 5:11)
Friday, July 11, 2014
"To Mourn with those that Mourn"
"To Mourn with those that mourn"
This has been a real and living part of my life since I started doing energy work. In the dictionary mourn is: To feel or express grief or sorrow.
What does the word mourn bring up in you? Why is mourning such an important part of our lives? And do we really need to feel mourn?
What does mourning bring up in me? One of my earlier child stories comes to mind.
When I was ten my sister, one and a half, was found in our pool. After two weeks in the hospital she passed. My one memory I have of that day or actually the whole incident is of my mom. I have only a glimpse of remembrance but it was us standing outside the hospital in Vegas. It was so hot, the sun was beating down on us, and my mom was crying. It was a cry that I will never forget. It was the deepest heart wrenching cry that rocked me to my soul. I can remember the pain she was in. I didn't know what to do but hold the space for her to mourn. I will never forget that and feel that it has been a key to my love I have had for my mom despite our disagreements and hardships.
So when I think of mourning, I think of pain. The kind of pain that only deep love can bring. The pain that our Savior had when he sacrificed his life for us. The pain he must have felt as he knelt in Gethsemane.
"And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."
He suffered so that I could mourn and be free from the bondage that pain can give.
My understanding of mourning, came at an early age and was a gift from my mom and her love for her sweet baby girl. I am in such deep appreciation to her, my Heavenly Father, and my sister Emily in showing me what mourning really is.
Why is this important to my existence?
My first energy session was with a women I didn't know very well. I was drawn to her knee. She had been having a hard time moving forward I was taken to parts of her life, the painful parts. The parts that not many in her life were able to see. The times when her heart was desiring to be free, to have love, and to be healed. As I saw her pain I couldn't help but cry for her. To hold her in my heart and experience her pain for that split second. When I shared what I felt she couldn't hold back her tears. It was like she was, finally, seen and heard. She had this peace come over her that she hadn't felt for years. At that moment I knew that this was a gift from God. That the path God placed me on was one that I would be fulfilled in. I felt that I would be fulfilling the scripture I had read countless times from the Prophet Alma "and are willing to mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." I am heeding that call as I embrace and mourn with each new person I work on. They are released from pain that may have been held in their spirits and bodies for years. It is God's errand and his work.
I have been asked many times does seeing others pain create more pain in me? Do I get drained? The answer is a HUGE no. I believe that it is a type of unconditional love that we can't feel any other way. I believe that it gives me the rights and privileges God wants to have me accept. I believe that I know my Savior a portion more by witnessing, with love, the deep pain of another.
We all mourn. There is no escaping it. Our Savior mourned it all. We have one person who knows all of our pain. What a blessing to have others that can step in for the Savior and allow us to be heard and seen on this physical plane.
This isn't my burden. It is my joy.
I invite those that are reading to ask yourself in prayer what mourning means to you and if there is a person that God knows is in deep pain and needs to have a companion to mourn with. If done with the spirit it will be a healing experience for both.
This has been a real and living part of my life since I started doing energy work. In the dictionary mourn is: To feel or express grief or sorrow.
What does the word mourn bring up in you? Why is mourning such an important part of our lives? And do we really need to feel mourn?
What does mourning bring up in me? One of my earlier child stories comes to mind.
When I was ten my sister, one and a half, was found in our pool. After two weeks in the hospital she passed. My one memory I have of that day or actually the whole incident is of my mom. I have only a glimpse of remembrance but it was us standing outside the hospital in Vegas. It was so hot, the sun was beating down on us, and my mom was crying. It was a cry that I will never forget. It was the deepest heart wrenching cry that rocked me to my soul. I can remember the pain she was in. I didn't know what to do but hold the space for her to mourn. I will never forget that and feel that it has been a key to my love I have had for my mom despite our disagreements and hardships.
So when I think of mourning, I think of pain. The kind of pain that only deep love can bring. The pain that our Savior had when he sacrificed his life for us. The pain he must have felt as he knelt in Gethsemane.
"And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."
He suffered so that I could mourn and be free from the bondage that pain can give.
My understanding of mourning, came at an early age and was a gift from my mom and her love for her sweet baby girl. I am in such deep appreciation to her, my Heavenly Father, and my sister Emily in showing me what mourning really is.
Why is this important to my existence?
My first energy session was with a women I didn't know very well. I was drawn to her knee. She had been having a hard time moving forward I was taken to parts of her life, the painful parts. The parts that not many in her life were able to see. The times when her heart was desiring to be free, to have love, and to be healed. As I saw her pain I couldn't help but cry for her. To hold her in my heart and experience her pain for that split second. When I shared what I felt she couldn't hold back her tears. It was like she was, finally, seen and heard. She had this peace come over her that she hadn't felt for years. At that moment I knew that this was a gift from God. That the path God placed me on was one that I would be fulfilled in. I felt that I would be fulfilling the scripture I had read countless times from the Prophet Alma "and are willing to mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." I am heeding that call as I embrace and mourn with each new person I work on. They are released from pain that may have been held in their spirits and bodies for years. It is God's errand and his work.
I have been asked many times does seeing others pain create more pain in me? Do I get drained? The answer is a HUGE no. I believe that it is a type of unconditional love that we can't feel any other way. I believe that it gives me the rights and privileges God wants to have me accept. I believe that I know my Savior a portion more by witnessing, with love, the deep pain of another.
We all mourn. There is no escaping it. Our Savior mourned it all. We have one person who knows all of our pain. What a blessing to have others that can step in for the Savior and allow us to be heard and seen on this physical plane.
This isn't my burden. It is my joy.
I invite those that are reading to ask yourself in prayer what mourning means to you and if there is a person that God knows is in deep pain and needs to have a companion to mourn with. If done with the spirit it will be a healing experience for both.
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